Thursday, April 22, 2010

Poop Chronicles, vol. 3

This morning Anthony had another "accident" in his underwear. This is extremely unusual for him so I started to ask the series of personal and embarrassing questions that only a mother (or doctor?) would ever want/need to know. So, naturally, I'm sharing them with you, oh internet world.
Me: Are you having diarrhea?
A: No. It's just that it's all hard.
Me: Oh, so your poop is all hard. Is it hard to push out?
A: Um, actually it's all hard and soft. See, when I start to go I push and it's easy. Then I push and have to wait. And then I push and if it still doesn't come out then I need to wait longer. So that's when it's hard.
Me: But is the poop actually hard to get out?
A: Well, sometimes it's easy and then hard.
Me (thinking that we are not really getting anywhere useful and that I do already understand the mechanics of having a bowel movement): OK. Well, do you have an accident in your underwear before or after you are sitting on the toilet?
A: Before. See, I just THINK it's a fart but really it's POOP!

Ah. That is what I was getting at. I still don't really know if he's constipated or not but at least I understand that it is both hard and easy for him so he can't be too badly off.

Here is another mystery of Anthony pooping that I have not yet been able to untangle. Given his extreme need for privacy in the restroom you can understand how too much prying or (heaven forbid spying!) is not really an option. In the aftermath of a visit to the bathroom I frequently discover small streaks of poop in floor AND THE WALLS of our bathroom. Dis. Gus. Ting. John and I have both spoken quite severely to him about this but every once in a while it still happens. It's just so bizarre. So completely bizarre. I have taken out stock in Clorox Wipes and am working out what would be appropriate disciplinary action for whatever it is that he's doing in there (I have images of that commercial where the dog is dragging his butt around on the carpet and the woman gets her carpets cleaned). Anyway, that's your dose of poop for the day. At least I hope is it. I wouldn't want the poop fates to get you for looking askance at us! Beware!


  1. Oh My! Odo-Ban, Odo-ban, Odo-ban! It goes in the wash with nasty crib sheets, post-stomach-bug-wash, everything! It's also amazing for washing vomit out of the carpet at 2am. Mattresses. Seriously. Whatever grossness these five kids & two dogs throw at me - I am armed with my beloved Odo-ban!

  2. When your dog streaks the carpet like that, you either have to squeeze their anal glands (which sometimes get blocked) or take them to the vet to squeeze said glands (I learned this from no other than Dr. James Herriot). But I doubt this will work with the boy in question... and the streaking does intrigue me... what does go on in there??? We may never know. Another reason for a nanny cam (that and clipping one to Rosie at all times). Best of luck.