Thursday, August 21, 2008

August - the Dog Days

I have been praying that I'll just wake up one morning and this month will be over. There are many, many stressful things about August for the Loves. But at some point this week I woke up and, lo and behold, I had actually slept. WHICH means that a. I have insurance and will not be paying for this baby over the next 5 years b. we furnished the guest-room, even in the middle of an income gap c. David has finished his syllabi and is feeling a lot more confident - which makes my life a lot happier too d. I found a grocery store that I feel at home in.
This last point may seem small but it really helped me figure out why this is such a hard transition. It's not that things here are better or worse, they are just different. And I've been walking around generally thinking, "OK, this has been an adventure. I'm ready to go home now." It's not that I don't like Wal-mart but see, I never shopped at Wal-mart before and so now that I have to it throws me off. Everything is so different! I just broke down in tears last week while waiting to see my new OB because even though he's very nice and all the practice is VERY different then my doc's at home. Every time I've gone in there I've had to do deep breathing just to keep my anxiety level manageable (obviously the day of tears shows that it was still not entirely manageable). And the hospital! I have it on good authority that the staff is wonderful and it's a good hospital So different. And you have to drive to get to anything familiar.
But yesterday (after driving almost an hour to go to Borders) I was almost home and decided to stop at the Food Lion in the next town over. I'm in love. It's like Busch's but with Kroger's prices and mainly, it feels right. It feels familiar and the people who shop there and the staff seem familiar. And it's not an hour away, it's just 5 minutes down the highway. I can do that.
It turns out that at this stage of my life, I like chain-stores. I like them. It's like going to mass in a foreign country - it's always the same, even if the language is different. I also like a lot of the little local places here but right now it just makes me feel foreign.
Anyway, this post's main point is that it has been a really, really, REALLY stressful 3 weeks since moving but yesterday I had a little glimmer of emotional hope that this is going to get better. I'm going to find places and people where I'm comfortable (thank you Food Lion!) and I'm going to get used to driving places to get the services that I need (and all the drives around here are really beautiful and relaxing - gorgeous mountains and no traffic!). It's getting better...I think that my "Dog Days" are finally over. I've slept well for 3 days in a row now (and by "well" I mean that I was able to go back to sleep after all 4 times that I had to get up to pee) and that's a good sign.

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