Rural America is taking it's toll. On Sunday I dressed for church and was in "real clothes" for about 2 hours. I promptly changed as soon as I got home. Other then that I think that I've changed from PJs to other PJs for about a week straight. I never have to change before bed because whatever I was wearing during the day is just as appropriate for sleeping as it is for wiping runny noses and grilling hot dogs. Sigh. So sad.
Anyway, last week I hit a new low. I went to Anthony's swim lesson and then to get ice cream wearing these...
Oh sad day. I think that this is a direct result of our satellite package not providing a good, healthy dose of TLC and Stacey and Clinton.
Someone, somewhere needs to stage an intervention because while I continued to tell myself that this was NOT OK it felt more a movement of the rational soul then the gut reaction that it should have been (I did not know I was mismatched until after we were on the highway, there was no turning back).
I've still got 14 lbs or so to go be in a place where most of my clothes fit so I'm telling myself that it's going to get better. But that requires me actually losing that weight. And you know what? I'm sick of losing weight. And gaining weight. And losing weight. And gaining weight. And...repeat, repeat. I have been pregnant (therefore rapidly gaining weight) or 6 months postpartum (not-so rapidly losing weight) for FORTY-SIX months STRAIGHT! Might as well call me Gumby. In those past 46 months I have gained a total of 145 lbs and lost a total of 130 lbs. I'm weary.
This last 15 lbs feels like I'm at the end of The Biggest Loser and I feel like a big loser.
I recognize that it is not helping my self-confidence or motivation to be walking around with mismatched shoes and yoga pants constantly but sometimes it just feels like I'm sick of playing this game. Can I get an Amen?
OK, enough with the pity party. I do know that I've got 3 wonderful, chubby, healthy babies to show for my 145 lbs (Anthony isn't in the "streak" - although I gained 70 lbs while pregnant with him!). Clearly they are worth it. I don't mind having a Mom-Bod most of the time, just when I wear mis-matched shoes to swim class.