Tuesday, April 29, 2008

On Doors

The spontaneity update: Worth it. Nothing is ever as bad as you plan for. Also, it really only takes a few concentrated hours to plan and prepare for a trip. A person doesn't actually NEED those two weeks of worrying and imagining every possible negative outcome in order to plan well.
On Doors: There are three doors that we are looking through right now. After several years of having no doors in sight we are grateful and relieved to have any doors. One door is small, you have to crouch to get through it and once you are through the landscape looks dark and uncomfortable. But it is a door that could possibly lead to another door and so if given the option to stay put or to go through it we really have to go through.
The second door is bigger, although the landscape is also dark and uncomfortable. The difference is that you are given a blanket and cup of joe to make you more comfortable while you are there (i.e. more money). This door almost certainly would eventually lead to a bigger and better door.
The third door is like the middle door of St. Peter's. It is huge, ornate, very easy to walk through and when you get inside the landscape is also similar to St. Peter's. A little bit difficult to pull off when you have kids with you but really, really worth the try and the peace that surrounds you is palpable. The problem is that a lot of people want to go through this door so it is crowded and finding your way through it can be a challenge. This door makes me drool.
The job David interviewed for last week was door number two. We just found out today that door number two has been closed. As a consolation prize that have opened door number one for us. The job David interviewed for yesterday is door number three. They will be letting us know within two weeks what they have decided.
Once again, we are happy that there are doors at all - we have been through a long doorless drought. We are are also thrilled that there is one beautiful door among the doors. But I would be lying if I didn't say that it will be hard to accept being shut out of the beautiful door and crawling through the consolation door. So we are looking for prayers over the next two weeks that the door we are supposed and go through will open wide (and some trumpet fanfare while we walk through wouldn't hurt), that it is door number three and that if it isn't door number three that we will be encouraged be the mere presence of such a door and will be given patience to wait longer. God's timing is his own and I know that he has "plans for your welfare, not for your woe" but sometimes my perspective is undeniably woeful, regardless of Jeremiah's truth-telling.

And finally, while I don't want to give the impression of equating my piddly struggles with hers, I am borrowing a prayer that Minnesota Mom posted last week because it can be used for the bigger troubles and the smaller troubles. And it just said what I need to be saying right now.
“Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people, and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds.


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