Sometimes going to mass can be embarrassing. As one friend put it, now we're the family the makes all the other families feel better. Last week we were at a daily mass where there are NEVER other children. Every noise my kids make echoes with vigor off the stone walls and through the elderly folks' hearing aids. It starts with Moses doing his hacking up a lung thing that he does every time we walk into that church. It has something to do with possible asthma or just a really long-lasting cough. Either way you can almost see people cringing and creeping away from him in fear of the contagion. As soon as he stops coughing and we all sit down Gus Gus begins a very long and very loud pooping process. Lots of grunts, followed by squirts and fart noises (just a little something to gross you out tonight). And during this pooping time I'm trying to get Lily to stay quiet by letting her do her guzzling down apple juice thing where she gasps for breath as she imbibes 8 oz of the good stuff as quickly as possible. Which of course is followed by several loud belches.
Oh, I'm sorry - you didn't realize that you sat just in front of the "Bodily Functions Pew"? Well, next time I'm sure that you'll be sure to sit far away - if you know what's good for you.